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| Rules |
Are Rules Important in life or not
“I don’t go by the rule book. I lead from the heart, not the head.”
— Princess Diana, Princess of Wales
“There are no rules here, we are trying to accomplish something.”
— Thomas Edison, inventor
Rules are commonly viewed as external rules imposed upon
us — school rules, the laws of a country, social norms and so
on. Thus, many people dislike rules. They feel that rules
restrict freedom and stifle creativity.
But rules are meaningful. What would soccer be like if the
game is played without rules? What would tennis, badminton,
chess, Scrabble, or any other sport or game be like? We enjoy
these games because there are rules.
Rules also force us to think of creative solutions. When we
are restricted by rules, and have to find solutions within
those restrictions, we become truly creative.
The haiku, a form of verse that originated in Japan, has
very restrictive rules. It is written in three lines, with five
syllables in the first line, seven in the second, and five in the
third. This requires more creativity than writing any number
of words, in any style.
Thus, rules provide us with a lifetime CREATIVITY formula.
Internal rules
We also have rules that we impose upon ourselves. These are
our internal rules. Often, they are more important than the
external rules, because our internal rules have a greater bearing on our lives.
Everyone has internal rules about punctuality. Maybe
your rule is that it is okay to be 10 minutes late. For another
person, the internal rule is that he must be on time. So if you
turn up 10 minutes late, the other person will be upset, as your internal rules are different. We have our own rules
about everything — about honesty, punctuality, courtesy,
respect, friendship, money, work and so on.
So what are your rules? Do your rules help you achieve
your goals in life? Do they help you become who you want
to be?
Let’s say you want to do well in your studies, but your
internal rules say it is okay to relax and take things easy. Will
you do well? Not likely. If you want to do well, you need to
change your internal rules.
The PRAISE model recommends these five internal rules:
• Be different
• Be decisive
• Take control
• Never give up
• Take ownership
When we live by these five internal rules, we can overcome
many obstacles in life, including obstacles presented by
external rules.
Be different
If you look around you, you will see that most people are
average. Whether you are in school, college, university or
doing postgraduate studies, it is usually the same case.Look also at your own life up to now. Have you also been
average?
If you want to excel, you need to be different from what
you used to be; you need to be different from most other
people. If you always studied at the last minute, try studying consistently throughout the year. If you always kept
quiet during class discussions, try taking on a more active
role. If you always study late at night, try going to sleep
early and studying in the morning. If you always study
alone, see if joining a study group can be helpful.
There is no single way that suits everyone. But if what you
had been doing did not help you, then you need to find
another way
Being different also means daring to go against norms and
expectations. If you come from a family of doctors, will you
study medicine simply because it is expected of you? Do you
dare to study something different?
Don’t be different just for the sake of being different.
Search yourself deeply and ask, is this what you really want?
Will you be willing to accept the difficulties when they arise?
If your answer is yes, by all means go ahead. Follow your
passion.
In your soul searching, you might also realize that you had
merely been entertaining some fanciful daydreams. In that
case, you would do well to
return to reality — and follow
the crowd!
Be decisive
Being decisive does not mean being hasty in making decisions. By all means, evaluate the situation properly before
you decide. Once you have decided, be firm. Do not waver.
Do not turn back — unless, of course, you realize you
made a wrong decision. Once you have decided, there is no
way of knowing “what if. . .” So don’t fret over it. Make the
best of your decision.
Indecisiveness is only natural when you are faced with a
major turning point in life, such as when you have to decide
what subjects to study, because that will decide your career
and your life.
So yes, you may need to gather information and consult
people in order to make an informed and well-considered
decision. But there can be no end to this. You can keep finding out more information, keep hearing more opinions,
until you become totally confused. At some point, you need
to decide and move on. You will feel much better once you
have decided — no matter what the decision is.
Take control
To take control means to create your own outcomes, rather
than letting others decide what should happen to you.
Two groups of people have influence over your life. The
first group is made up of those in positions of power and
authority, such as the government, school principal, teachers and parents. For instance, the government decides which
system of education the citizens of the country must follow.
Some people who disagree migrate so that their children can
undergo a different educational system. They thereby take
control.
Another group of people that might have an influence
over your life, even though they may have no real power over
you, are those who make up “the environment”, such as your
family and friends.
My home environment was very noisy, so I sought alternative solutions to study. At first, I joined a group of friends
in staying illegally overnight at the college. Later, I tried
sleeping at 7 p.m. and waking up at 2 a.m. to study. I took
control. I did not allow my family members to affect my
studies.
At university and even in secondary schools, a student’s
work may involve team projects. Such teams are usually
assigned by the teacher, so as a student, you may not have
control over who you work with. However, you can still take
control by assuming a leadership position. Even if you are
not the team leader, you can participate actively in team discussions and decision making. This way, you can steer the
direction of the team.
When you form your own study groups, you can choose
the people whom you know (or believe) to be reliable. You
can delegate tasks and feel confident that the group members will do a good job. This way, you take control without
having to do the job yourself.
Never give up
“Many of life’s failures are men who did not realize how close they were
to success when they gave up.”
— Thomas Edison, inventor
My masters degree course started off with 30 students.
Before the first four (out of 11) modules, six students had
given up and dropped out. Among those who stayed on,
there might have been others who “gave up” indirectly by
not putting in their best effort. My classmates were corporate high-flyers with strong credentials. There was no reason for any of them to fail. Yet, two of them did.
Two things helped me cultivate the “never give up” spirit.
One was my father’s harsh treatment of me when I was
young, which strengthened my will. Other forms of difficulty, such as military or intensive sports training, can have a similar effect.
Another, physically less demanding, factor came from
reflection and inspiration. As I sat by the beach throwing
stones into the sea, I observed the waves come and go. As one
wave receded, another came forward. They seemed to be
telling me never to give up.
There may be times when you have made wrong decisions.
But do not give up at the first signs of obstacles and setbacks.
When you persevere in the face of setbacks, you will realize
that they often provide valuable lessons for future challenges.
Take ownership
Taking ownership means accepting responsibility for the
outcome of your decisions and actions. It means not blaming others when things go wrong, while giving credit
when things go right.
If you have a habit of blaming others, you are giving them
control over your life. Thus, if you are not happy, it is because
your parents/teachers/classmates made you unhappy. If you
are not successful, again, it is the fault of someone else.
My younger brother never learnt to take ownership of his
failure in school. When he failed his examinations, my father
blamed me for not setting him a good example. Later, my
father hired tutors for him. When he again failed, it became
the tutors’ turn to get blamed.
It is natural to be influenced by other people. At university,
I tended to do better when I found the lecturers interesting compared to when I found the lecturers boring. However,
other students could do well no matter how interesting or
boring the lecturers were.
If I want success, I have to create it for myself. Others can
assist me, just as those lecturers who livened up their classes
with stories and jokes had assisted me. But I cannot depend
on them. I must be able to create my own success.
When I received my first A in my master’s programme, I
bought myself an expensive badminton racket. That was
my way of recognizing my own achievement. It was my way
of taking ownership.
Author
-George Tan
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